mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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