I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
