Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
