If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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