winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
