He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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