I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
