Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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