Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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