i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
