i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
