remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
