I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.