I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.