Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
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I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.