I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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