im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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