my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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