last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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