I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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