he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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