for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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