You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
