We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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