I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
that is very illegal...i love you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
