I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
