fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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