As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
