Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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