Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
