sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
