he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
