we made out on top of his cat.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
