So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
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there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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