I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
