I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
