how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
