I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
