from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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