he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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