everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
