Just fell off a train. Bad.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
