why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
