U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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