how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
