Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
