You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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