So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
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i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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