Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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