Cold hands, warm shart.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
