now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
