where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
