Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
