she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
