Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
