There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
