Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
