she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
