I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
