I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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