I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
