Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
