Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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