you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
