So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
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I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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