so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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