I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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