How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
