your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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