The maid of honor just puked.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Come share oat with me in your robe
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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