I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
