ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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