I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
