Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
