I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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