She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
