Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.