You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.