I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang