So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
